Beautifully Broken

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Start Of A New Chapter…

  So today i was supposed to start a new “chapter” in my life.  For a week i mentally prepared myself for this day, for the day that I started Chemo.  I went in to the hospital ready to just get this started and over with, but it did not quite happen as i expected.  All was held up due to the fact that I still had not gotten any authorization for an Echocardiogram or an ultra sound of my heart. So now back to the waiting game, and that is what kills me the more, the wait. I’ve known for months that chemo was in the cards so to speak, and I was ready to start it right away. I’ll be honest I was/am still a little scared, i mean who isn’t. Chemo is a big deal it has to do with CANCER, even at a low dose it’s still something to be worried about, how will I feel afterwards? What are the possible side effects? How many more infusions will I have to receive?  And of course CAN IT COME BACK? I got all my questions answered but like the doctor said “every person is different and reacts differently, we just have to wait and see how you react to it” I’m hopeful deep down inside and a fighter, i’ve made it this far since November, when I thought of giving up I just told myself, “why give up now, you’ve made it this far to just throw in the towel” So now just wait and continue fighting on, if not for myself, for my mom. She has been the one who has been there since day one. 

Filed under life health thoughts vulnerability

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Here’s to the men that we love… Here’s to the men that love us… But then men that we love will never love us… so fuck all the men… HERE’S TO US!❤ (at Pinkberry)

Here’s to the men that we love… Here’s to the men that love us… But then men that we love will never love us… so fuck all the men… HERE’S TO US!❤ (at Pinkberry)

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Coincidence?

So today as i was about to cross the street some lady taps me on the shoulder and tells me “God heals everyone, i will pray for you” I’m not big on faith or what not, but that gave me chills after she told me that since the past couple days I haven’t been feeling too well. I don’t know what to think of it, I told my mom about it and she told me that it was an angle and a sign that i will be starting to be getting better. Whatever it may be it freaked me out. 

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Lowest ive gotten when I got sick was 103lbs (jan. 11) today after taking all my medications I weighed 126lbs (jan. 30) I feel so much better compared to how I felt back in November. It’s all uphill from here. No turning back! I am HAPPY

Lowest ive gotten when I got sick was 103lbs (jan. 11) today after taking all my medications I weighed 126lbs (jan. 30) I feel so much better compared to how I felt back in November. It’s all uphill from here. No turning back! I am HAPPY

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Not Today…Please!

Past couple days I’ve been feeling great. My mind is clear, trying to get back into school, my stomach is doing better & I’m gaining weight. But then today had to be the day my body decides to deceive me, woke up sore for no reason & my stomach is being stubborn, & i have a killer headache. To top it off I didn’t get any classes.

Filed under life rant